Expert Advice For Everyone

February 8, 2023
Why is it Uncomfortable to Talk about Sex?

Talking about sex can be uncomfortable when your education is limited on the subject. Research is helping to reduce the stigma of "the talk" and encouraging people to have healthy conversations about sex.

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October 27, 2022
Message from a Recovering Person: Lions, Tigers, & Bears

what does this story have to do with the Serenity Prayer, let alone recovery? In our active addictions we cannot find fulfillment, happiness, or peace in our lives. We run away and just when we realize that we have run too far we are swept up in the tornado/drug of our choice.

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July 30, 2020
How Do You Raise Sexually Healthy Kids?

Times have changed. When I was a child, there were very few resources on how to talk to children about sex, much less how to raise sexually healthy kids. Today, there are good resources on the market to help parents work with children. I won’t even try to list them. The fact that we have […]

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May 15, 2020
Masturbation Month is Now! Am I normal?

For those who don’t know or may have forgotten it is masturbation month. The progression of sexual health and female sexuality and independence, which isn’t to say that guys don’t indulge in, the sometimes still taboo act of, masturbation can be summed up with a story that some may remember. Back in 1994, our surgeon […]

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June 13, 2018
When "Disclosure Bombs" Go Off; Reassurance Issues

Disclosure: The Problem with Reassurance In recovery, disclosure is an important and difficult undertaking for the addict, the partner, and the relationship.  For the partner, disclosure is often traumatic to varying degrees.  As the addict, there are things you can do to make the disclosure process easier and there are things you can do that […]

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May 21, 2018
Girls can have PSB's too!

Teen Females with PSB The client is a 15-year-old girl referred by her guidance counselor. “Amber” has been disciplined by her high school for sending naked selfies to her boyfriend, which came to the attention of a teacher as the sexts were liberally shared around the sprawling suburban campus. Her horrified parents initially labeled the […]

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May 9, 2018
A Partner’s Path from Pain to Peace - Healing from Sexual Betrayal

Intimate Betrayal: A Unique Trauma If you are reading this blog then you are likely here because someone you love has betrayed you with his or her harmful or compulsive sexual behavior. Perhaps the person who has hurt you is someone you deeply love and trusted most in this world - your husband or wife, […]

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March 31, 2018
Disclosure...An Opportunity for Healing

The Many Gifts of Disclosure Helping couples dealing with sexual betrayal navigate the process of getting to, going through, and healing after disclosure is a complex process, demanding a high level of skill, wisdom, adaptability, and structure on the part of the therapist. Disclosure, as a key phase in the recovery process for both the […]

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March 30, 2018
Today's Pornography

Todays’ Pornography,  #Metoo, and   Some Very  Disturbing Patterns of Porn Fueled “Bad Dates” When I think about pornography  and its impact on society these days,  I am stunned by how things have changed over the last 25 years.   As a sex therapist certified in the very early 1990’s   I was trained in the late 1980’s,  […]

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February 25, 2018
WHO-Dunnit! ICD-11 and Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder

‘Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder’ Will Soon Be Diagnosable Using the ICD  In 2013 the editors of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), manual of mental health diagnoses, declined to add a disorder called “Hypersexual Disorder.” This has caused major problems, according to experts: This exclusion has hindered prevention, research, and treatment efforts, and left clinicians […]

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September 14, 2017
Recovery: The Air We Breathe

Are You Doing Whatever it Takes to Recover?   During my 8½ year tenure at PCS (Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd) I sat in many sessions during the PCS intensives with some clients (most clients were from out-of-state) who expressed their reluctance to step outside their zone of familiarity. They were sitting in the middle of […]

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September 13, 2017
Betrayal Blindness: An Adaptive Response to Betrayal Trauma

Denial or Betrayal Blindness? The impact to attachment Many betrayed partners enter therapy in a state of shock and disbelief, reeling from the discovery of their partner’s extracurricular sexual behaviors. They sit on my couch and tell me they had no idea, not even an inkling, of what their significant other was doing. They have […]

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August 4, 2017
Why are Men More Vulnerable to OCSB?

Male Vulnerability to Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior The majority of individuals who experience out of control sexual behavior are men.  Why?  This question is complex as is the answer.  The ecological model of clinical social work (Pardeck, 1988) provides a frame in which we can understand the contributing factors that have resulted in men’s vulnerability to […]

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June 16, 2017
Correcting Misunderstandings About Neuroscience and Problematic Sexual Behaviors

Neuroscience and PSBs In recent years, neuroscience discoveries about the reward system and human sexuality have shed new light on both problematic and healthy sexual behavior. As can be expected with any new paradigm, however, some doubtful neuroscience claims have also appeared in the media. As a neurosurgeon and the author of several papers on […]

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May 30, 2017
Developing Client Resilience using Right Brain Creative Therapies

Be A Super Hero Creative therapies can nurture resilience in a client. When used to heal individuals it can be an impactful tool in moving clients along in the therapeutic process. My passion is working with clients who are experiencing relational trauma, especially those traumas that are created by intimacy issues, infidelity and/or sex/love addicted spouses. Resilience […]

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May 29, 2017
Journaling: A Routine for Self Reflection

For those in recovery, journaling may be a common practice. It is the process of recording your thoughts on a regular basis. The value in doing this exercise is it often provides clarity in thoughts that may be in our minds or it allows one to visually experience and see the words that clutter the […]

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May 18, 2017
‘Recovery Coach’: A member of the ‘Recovery Team’

Imagine the following scenario: your work life has been growing in complexity for several years and what started as occasional viewing of pornography to ‘ease that stress’ has grown to become a nightly habit of hours spent hidden away from your wife and children and the eventual discovery by your wife of disturbing and upsetting […]

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May 17, 2017
Area of Refuge: Finding Safety in Any Situation

It was my first meeting of a men’s society of addiction treatment specialists, and my nervousness made me arrive early. Anxious questions ran the hamster wheel in my head. Would I fit in? I’m a recovery coach; would the gray conference room be filled with condescending psychiatrists and psychologists? That was my fear, anyway. The […]

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May 12, 2017
Sex Addiction: The Name Game

 Sex Addiction? There is a lot of debate about sexual addiction, with some therapists actually calling it a myth. I would suggest that these clinicians have never visited a 12-step sexual recovery meeting, sitting quietly and listening to the shame-filled, consequence-laden stories of the participants, and noticing the obvious similarities between sex addiction and other […]

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May 3, 2017
Risky Business in May

Sexual Health in a Risky World Avoiding #RiskyBusiness during Mental Health Month. In today’s world, sex addiction has become a term that is often seen in the media or discussed in the news. Celebrities, athletes, and reality show stars identify themselves as sex addicts and the media perpetuate the term by giving these stories more […]

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May 2, 2017
Critical Porn Analysis versus Porn Literacy

 Young People Need Critical Porn Analysis; ‘Porn Literacy’ Is Not Enough   A new conversation is happening in educational circles, with many speaking up about the need for kids and teens to become ‘porn literate’. It is increasingly evident that kids cannot cope with the onslaught of pornographic images they can openly access at the […]

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March 16, 2017
Masturbation, Recovery and Sexual Health

Should men rely on frequent masturbation to prevent prostate cancer?   Many men in online porn recovery forums have heard rumors to the effect that, “Research has conclusively proven that frequent masturbation is vital to protect against prostate cancer.” When they contemplate eliminating porn use for a few months to see if their symptoms resolve, […]

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February 28, 2017
Does Porn Need an Age Verification? Interview with an Expert

Can Age-Verification on Porn Sites Protect Both Kids and Privacy? Yes! I recently saw a fiery UK headline proclaiming that, “Age-verification for online porn will be a security disaster.” As a privacy lover, I was curious as to whether the concerns it raised are legitimate. I turned to expert Ernie Allen, who for years has […]

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February 7, 2017
Kids, Technology, and Safety

Creating a Safer Experience for Your Family In honor of Safer Internet Day 2017 and as a supporter of the event, it seemed appropriate to write a blog about internet safety and kids for the SASH blog. One of the challenges in this ever changing world of technology is knowing what is available to protect kids […]

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May 11, 2016
SASH 2015 Conference

Here's a look back at our successful 2015 SASH conference!

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